Like Dust In Space

It's been so long since I been out in the black for an extended period of time that it's takin' some gettin' used to. Already, part of me's wishin' I'd taken Serendipity 'steada Merkabah... but I chose Merkabah just in case. Serendipity's a gorram luxury boat. Sorta. Well, she's got nice interiors, anyway. It'd be a mite more comfortable than my gorram Starfury, in any case. But, I ain't goin' on a pleasure cruise, and comfort wasn't on my list of requirements for the ship I took. Merkabah's small, light, fast as hell, weaponized, and I fly her pretty well for a leaf in a tornado. Serendipity? Well, she turns 'bout as well as a pregnant cow, and she's 'bout as fast as a herd of snails stampeding through a field of peanut butter. And for what I was plannin', I needed somethin' small and fast and weaponized. Just in case.

Kept thinkin' 'bout things. Not that it was anything new for me, but the difference is, there's somethin' 'bout the black that puts a spin on your head so you ain't always focused on the same things.

I thought a good bit on the Lone Reverie. Where she was, whether her crew was still together, what they were all up to. I spent so long on that boat, 'round all of 'em, and they had such a huge impact on my life, but I ain't hardly thought 'bout 'em in a coon's age. Funny, that. Then I started thinkin' 'bout what they'd say 'bout my current predicament... Honestly, they'd prol'ly laugh and tease me 'bout the girl from Persephone society comin' back and takin' over for the badass little hellion they helped me become. Then Card'd tell me to go my own way and leave 'em bnoth in the dust. 'Course, Card always was sort of a surrogate father figure to me, so he never did think any man was good 'nough. Reckon he'd like Td and Duncan well 'nough, though.

I miss them. I miss everyone. Sometimes, I feel like all I'm made up of are my memories of the people I love, like if I got amnesia and couldn't remember anyone, I'd just vanish. I am what I've been made. By my Ma and my Pa. By Christopher, the knave. By the Alliance. By Card and his crew. By all the folks on Blackburne. By all the folks on Hale's Moon. And out here, floatin' in nothin', surrounded by blackness, that seems all the more true. If it wasn't for Merkabah, maybe 'steada my blood boilin' out my ears, I'd just come apart, unravel, and scatter through space, like dust, just a billion, billion memories lost in time.

Well, ain't that somethin', me gettin' all poetical and sentimental. Tellin' ya, it's the gorram black. It gets to you. Makes you see things different, makes you think 'bout things you wouldn't normally.

I'm 'bout a day out from Persephone. Don't plan on bein' there long. Just to tend to my business and get the hell outta dodge and back on home. Still ain't figured out what to do, but I reckon that'll come with time.