She shoved another shirt in her pack, not even really aware of her surroundings, so focused was she on what needed to be done, and that list of things that needed to come with her. If she stopped to think about everything that had happened over the last week, she wasn't going to make it out the door. Every gun, knife, sword, bat, frying pan, chainsaw, stick, and anything else she could use as a weapon was laid out on the bed, waiting to be packed up or strapped to her. Over the next several moments, she managed to attach all of them to her sack, a few going in their rightful places on her body. Moving around to the nightstand next to her bed, she opened the drawer and extricated her Bible, folding it lovingly in an old yard of purple silk fabric before tucking it into the already-encumbered rucksack sitting on the chair next to her bed.
With that done, she yanked the drawstring on her pack and slung it across one shoulder, taking a quick look around, her mind blank of all emotion, just purpose. Slinking from the room, she glanced up and down the street before heading outside, hoping to avoid as many people as possible, the soft-soled leather boots on her feet whispering against the asphalt as she made her way toward the bar on Hale's Moon. Her aim was to obtain some supplies; foodstuffs and water for her trip out. Once she was there, she could worry about finding more.
Belize was there. That hadn't been planned. She had counted on Belize being at Firefly's. Yet, here she was, sitting there, cool as a cucumber. Imrhien's numb brain backpedaled, and she stopped short, scrambling for an explanation. All that came out was, "Have to get water." Of course Belize took that to mean a glass of water. And of course, all she could say was "Not that water. Water to take." And that was all it took for Belize to figure it out.
She left the bar, going to the only place she could think of that had water: the hydroponic building. Pulling a hose and grabbing a green watering can, she turned the water on to begin filling the bucket. And Belize walked in, having followed her. Damn.
They exchanged words, Belize telling Imrhien she'd go with her to the Wastes, and Imrhien telling Belize that she didn't need the radiation. In that moment, reality came rushing back on her, everything that had happened so recently. Of General, hurting so badly inside that he just wanted to end himself, pointing his gun at their friends because of her. Of Belize, admitting she had a mass growing in her brain and that it might kill her, of her fierce loyalty and protective nature and her adoration for her, even though she had been the one to cause her so much pain. Of Td, who loved her like she'd never been loved by anyone. Of Duncan, who had loved her from so far away for such a long time without her ever even knowing it, who had shown her that love was not selfish, who had asked nothing of her but for her to be happy, who had walked away to give her that happiness....
She was still talking, but wasn't even aware of it. By God, she was going to the Wastes, and she was going to live out her days there as a hermit so she wouldn't hurt anyone else. She would spend her days in prayer and meditation, be one with the earth, forget the pain and just exist.
In the midst of the argument, she heard Belize say, "Immi.. I didnt want to do this...," and felt the needle enter her arm, liquid heat spreading through her body quickly. She felt weak. And then, blackness consumed her.
19.2.09
An Ancient Chinese Curse: May You Live In Interesting Times
An' to think. A month or two ago, I was bored outta my skull. I swear, I'll never complain 'bout havin' nothin' to worry 'bout again, cuz sure as I know the sun rises every day, I know the 'verse's got a sense o' humor, and that it's got no problem givin' you 'zactly what you was wishin' for just to laugh when you realize it was a real bad idea to be wishin' for it. Here I was, worryin' bout how humiliatin' it'd be if'n no one bid on me for the Firefly's employee auction. Silly me.
Wasn't expectin' things to go the way they had. Figured if anyone was gonna bid on me, it'd be Td. Though, truth be told, I reckon there were quite a few surprises that night, and for more'n just me. My bid was won by Duncan Cooperstone, who I'd said all'f twenty-three words to 'fore the auction. Sure, I knew who he was; Man like that, you can't help but notice... But that he'd bid on me? I think I just 'bout fell over from shock. All I kept thinkin' was, "Um. What?" Anyway, long story short, cuz I ain't tryin' to bore nobody with details, him and I talked and've been gettin' to know eachother.
So, seems all hell's broke loose over it. Lily's been actin' different... I'm fair certain she's disappointed Mr. Duncan didn't bid on her. She's been... I dunno, switchin' back and forth 'tween Ben and Xzander, which's really only provokin' both to wanna kill t'other. She asked Duncan to marry her... And she's been treatin' me like i"m some evil tyrant cuz I wanna look out for her well-bein'. I just dont wanna see her hurt or broke. I don't want her to have to live through that I have. She deserves all the happiness in the 'verse. Guess the thing i gotta remember's that she's her own person, and that she's gotta make her own mistakes, just like I did, to learn. So, while I'd like to be able to stand up and protect her at every turn, I gotta sit back and wait for her to either ask for help, or be there to catch her when she falls. We're both new at this business, so I reckon it'lll just take some time to get used to it.
Part of me knew that General was...upset. I ain't proud o' what I done to him, takin' him as a lover and then leavin' him high n' dry when everything happened with Td. To be fair, we'd discussed it 'fore and'd decided we was just what we was, friends who were sleepin' together. He'd told me he was enjoyin' female attention, so I never gave it a second thought, how he might be feeling 'bout me. Lookin' back, I guess I sorta can see what a slap it musta been when Td an' I ended up together - a person in his position'll always wonder, "What's wrong with me? What's he got that I ain't?" it's been festerin' in him for some time now, an' I can see it in his eyes whenever he looks at Td, like he'd like to rip his throat out. Ain't fair, cuz I'm the one who made the choice, not Td.
Anyway, t'other night, Lily'n me'd got into it, an' it all came out, what Lily was frettin' over, how she thought I was gonna run off an' marry Duncan and then Td wouldn't be her dad anymore, an' out odd, little family'd be all broken up. So, I explained to her that I wasn't leavin' Td, and while maybe in another time or place or life, I'd run off with him, I wasn't now and we were just friends. Well, General didn't like that. He was so angry an' I didn't even realize how my words was just another stone thrown, another brick in the wall, another slap 'cross the face, til it was way too late.
I knew... Saw his rage, his sadness channeled into rage, an' I knew in that moment that somethin' in him had broken, that he needed to get it out of himself so it'd stop eatin' him alive. So, I ogot up in his face an' told him to "Say it." From there, things got somewhat buggered. I ain't gettin' into details, cuz them't need to know've either been told or were there. Bottom line was, I was tryin' to make him see I was the one she shoulda been mad at, not Td or Duncan, to get him to unleash his rage in an environment where I felt safe an' comfortable. Maybe I woulda got hurt, but I wouldn'ta got killed, an' it ain't like I never been hurt 'fore. Least that time woulda been to help a friend. But that didn't happen. All't happened was everything there was hurt emotionally, a few physically. General's gone. Dunno when or if he'll be back, but I hope he's alright, wherever he is.
Belize worries me. She's transitioned from hatin' me over Td to bein' fiercely protective of me an' Td an' our relationship. I know she's got a big.... event happenin' this weekend that could go.... badly, but she seems like she's plannin' for the worst, settin' all her affairs in order an' makin' sure things're how she wants 'em in case she.... don't want up. To the point where she seems to be puttin' my happiness 'fore her own, like hers ain't as important as mine. I need to find the right way to tell her't my happiness ain't no more'r less important than anybody else's, an' that she needs to stop sacrificin' herself for the people she cares 'bout. Sometimes, self-sacrifice's a noble thing, an' you gotta do it or live with yerself if you didn't. But she puts more 'fore her in everythin'. An' really, I know she feels like she's standin' in my shadow, which I hate. Belize has brilliant, beautiful light all her own, she just needs the confidence in herself to really shine. She keeps talkin' bout how no men want her, and it makes me wonder if she don't need to change up her advertisin' campaign a bit if'n she wants a man, cuz even as pretty an' smart an' talented an' funny as she is, if she goes 'round tellin' people how she'll never get a man an' all the things that're wrong with her, nobody'll wanna stick 'round to hear 'bout the good parts.
An' then, there's Duncan. Ain't rightly sure what to think of the man. He professed his regard, then backed off, sayin' that I knew an' that I was in his life as a friend was enough for him. He reminds me some of Td, the honor, the integrity, the strength, the intelligence... Okay, a lot of Td. Truth is, I wasn't lyin' when I told Lily "in another time an' place, I'd run off with him." I've only known him a few days, really, but I feel like I've known him forever. Sorta just like Td. But, it ain't like anything can come of it but friendship. And I'm glad to have his friendship, he's a singular man, an' any woman he chose to stand at his side'd be damned lucky.
It occured to me that I gotta lot of people sacrificin' themselves for my happiness. I don't reckon I'm okay with that. Cuz what'm I sacrificin' for them? An' the thing is, we each gotta find out own happiness, no one else can make another person happy. A body's gotta decide for themself whether or not to be happy. I'm responisble for my happiness, Duncan's responsible for his, Belize's responsible for hers, General's responsible for his, and Lily's responsible for hers. Problem is, I dunno how to tell these people I care so much 'bout to stop sacificin' themselves for me. I ain't some kinda goddess, I don't need to be worshipped, and while there're times when self-sacrifice is appropriate and heroic, but there's way more times it ain't.
Everything's just so complicated now. I ain't quite sure how everything's gonna end up, which kinda scares me. Reckon I should just keep on pluggin' away, an' maybe things'll go back to bein' simple sooner or later. A girl can hope, right?
Wasn't expectin' things to go the way they had. Figured if anyone was gonna bid on me, it'd be Td. Though, truth be told, I reckon there were quite a few surprises that night, and for more'n just me. My bid was won by Duncan Cooperstone, who I'd said all'f twenty-three words to 'fore the auction. Sure, I knew who he was; Man like that, you can't help but notice... But that he'd bid on me? I think I just 'bout fell over from shock. All I kept thinkin' was, "Um. What?" Anyway, long story short, cuz I ain't tryin' to bore nobody with details, him and I talked and've been gettin' to know eachother.
So, seems all hell's broke loose over it. Lily's been actin' different... I'm fair certain she's disappointed Mr. Duncan didn't bid on her. She's been... I dunno, switchin' back and forth 'tween Ben and Xzander, which's really only provokin' both to wanna kill t'other. She asked Duncan to marry her... And she's been treatin' me like i"m some evil tyrant cuz I wanna look out for her well-bein'. I just dont wanna see her hurt or broke. I don't want her to have to live through that I have. She deserves all the happiness in the 'verse. Guess the thing i gotta remember's that she's her own person, and that she's gotta make her own mistakes, just like I did, to learn. So, while I'd like to be able to stand up and protect her at every turn, I gotta sit back and wait for her to either ask for help, or be there to catch her when she falls. We're both new at this business, so I reckon it'lll just take some time to get used to it.
Part of me knew that General was...upset. I ain't proud o' what I done to him, takin' him as a lover and then leavin' him high n' dry when everything happened with Td. To be fair, we'd discussed it 'fore and'd decided we was just what we was, friends who were sleepin' together. He'd told me he was enjoyin' female attention, so I never gave it a second thought, how he might be feeling 'bout me. Lookin' back, I guess I sorta can see what a slap it musta been when Td an' I ended up together - a person in his position'll always wonder, "What's wrong with me? What's he got that I ain't?" it's been festerin' in him for some time now, an' I can see it in his eyes whenever he looks at Td, like he'd like to rip his throat out. Ain't fair, cuz I'm the one who made the choice, not Td.
Anyway, t'other night, Lily'n me'd got into it, an' it all came out, what Lily was frettin' over, how she thought I was gonna run off an' marry Duncan and then Td wouldn't be her dad anymore, an' out odd, little family'd be all broken up. So, I explained to her that I wasn't leavin' Td, and while maybe in another time or place or life, I'd run off with him, I wasn't now and we were just friends. Well, General didn't like that. He was so angry an' I didn't even realize how my words was just another stone thrown, another brick in the wall, another slap 'cross the face, til it was way too late.
I knew... Saw his rage, his sadness channeled into rage, an' I knew in that moment that somethin' in him had broken, that he needed to get it out of himself so it'd stop eatin' him alive. So, I ogot up in his face an' told him to "Say it." From there, things got somewhat buggered. I ain't gettin' into details, cuz them't need to know've either been told or were there. Bottom line was, I was tryin' to make him see I was the one she shoulda been mad at, not Td or Duncan, to get him to unleash his rage in an environment where I felt safe an' comfortable. Maybe I woulda got hurt, but I wouldn'ta got killed, an' it ain't like I never been hurt 'fore. Least that time woulda been to help a friend. But that didn't happen. All't happened was everything there was hurt emotionally, a few physically. General's gone. Dunno when or if he'll be back, but I hope he's alright, wherever he is.
Belize worries me. She's transitioned from hatin' me over Td to bein' fiercely protective of me an' Td an' our relationship. I know she's got a big.... event happenin' this weekend that could go.... badly, but she seems like she's plannin' for the worst, settin' all her affairs in order an' makin' sure things're how she wants 'em in case she.... don't want up. To the point where she seems to be puttin' my happiness 'fore her own, like hers ain't as important as mine. I need to find the right way to tell her't my happiness ain't no more'r less important than anybody else's, an' that she needs to stop sacrificin' herself for the people she cares 'bout. Sometimes, self-sacrifice's a noble thing, an' you gotta do it or live with yerself if you didn't. But she puts more 'fore her in everythin'. An' really, I know she feels like she's standin' in my shadow, which I hate. Belize has brilliant, beautiful light all her own, she just needs the confidence in herself to really shine. She keeps talkin' bout how no men want her, and it makes me wonder if she don't need to change up her advertisin' campaign a bit if'n she wants a man, cuz even as pretty an' smart an' talented an' funny as she is, if she goes 'round tellin' people how she'll never get a man an' all the things that're wrong with her, nobody'll wanna stick 'round to hear 'bout the good parts.
An' then, there's Duncan. Ain't rightly sure what to think of the man. He professed his regard, then backed off, sayin' that I knew an' that I was in his life as a friend was enough for him. He reminds me some of Td, the honor, the integrity, the strength, the intelligence... Okay, a lot of Td. Truth is, I wasn't lyin' when I told Lily "in another time an' place, I'd run off with him." I've only known him a few days, really, but I feel like I've known him forever. Sorta just like Td. But, it ain't like anything can come of it but friendship. And I'm glad to have his friendship, he's a singular man, an' any woman he chose to stand at his side'd be damned lucky.
It occured to me that I gotta lot of people sacrificin' themselves for my happiness. I don't reckon I'm okay with that. Cuz what'm I sacrificin' for them? An' the thing is, we each gotta find out own happiness, no one else can make another person happy. A body's gotta decide for themself whether or not to be happy. I'm responisble for my happiness, Duncan's responsible for his, Belize's responsible for hers, General's responsible for his, and Lily's responsible for hers. Problem is, I dunno how to tell these people I care so much 'bout to stop sacificin' themselves for me. I ain't some kinda goddess, I don't need to be worshipped, and while there're times when self-sacrifice is appropriate and heroic, but there's way more times it ain't.
Everything's just so complicated now. I ain't quite sure how everything's gonna end up, which kinda scares me. Reckon I should just keep on pluggin' away, an' maybe things'll go back to bein' simple sooner or later. A girl can hope, right?
10.2.09
The Future Is Always Born In Pain
I got shook up today. Shook up real bad. Hate to admit it, and I'll never 'fess up out loud, but I'm scared. Terrified. Things're movin' fast now. Way too fast. I'm havin' trouble keepin' up. Is it all connected? Guess time'll tell, but by the time we know, it could be too late for all of us. That's what scares me.
The bots're here. On Blackburne and on Hale's Moon. We knew they was on Blackburne. Gorram drones're blockin' the pass to the Wastes, and there've been some skirmishes with warbots so far. No major attacks. I think us findin' 'em was a fluke. Me and x0x0 ran into 'em that night when I brought her outta the Wastes and they attacked and couldn't kill us. They don't know how much we know. I suspect if they did know, they'd be changin' up their strategy and we'd prol'ly all be dead.
I was madder'n a cut snake earlier on accounta findin' out Ben'd kissed Lily 'n' told her he loved her. Ironically, heard about it just after I'd glanced outside and saw him panderin' 'round with that new dancer from Blackburne he's been messin' with. Wanted to kill him. Or 'tleast maim him good and proper. But Lily said no, there was nothin' 'tween 'em and I shouldn't be mad. So I left Fook Yoo's 'n' stormed out into the badlands to find somethin' to shoot at.
Found a drone. I'd heard rumors they'd been sighted on Hale's Moon, but hadn't seen any sign of any. Took it down without much trouble. Ain't so fearsome when they're on their own. But then, it was like the sky disappeared, there were more of 'em'n I could count. All I could do was run like hell, shootin' as fast as I could, reloadin' as fast as I could. And I prayed. Cuz if I died out there, who'd know? Who'd find my body, 'sides gorram Reavers? Who'd tell folks 'bout what I saw?
Ain't rightly sure how I got out alive, but I did. I ran back in town as fast as my legs'd carry me and told the first people I saw. Then I headed for Blackburne to spread the word. I reckon Td saw how scared I was, cuz he headed out to the pass to draw some o' the gorram things out, to thin out the population. Good group went with. Cholgosh, Alison, Belize, and later, General, Jango and Zade showed up to help. We took down more'n I could count, but they was only comin' out a few at a time. Like they was teasin' us or somethin'.
I pray to God Sabrina figures out some way to wipe 'em all out. Or anyone, really. Cuz the longer we wait, the more there'll be. And I'm already terrified. I don't wanna see the folks I care so much 'bout slaughtered by some gorram machines. I don't wanna see alla humanity wiped out cuz the gorram 'lliance needs to have its gorram tight grip on everything't goes on in the 'verse and're willin' to do anything, go to any lengths, to see it done.
Then there's what Pod brought to light t'other day. The fleet of old 'lliance ships massin'. Dunno if it's got anything to do with the bots, but either way, it spells more trouble for everyone. I sent a wave to the Brotherhood lettin' 'em know 'bout it, sent 'em the picture Pod showed me. Maybe they'll be able to figure out what's goin' on with that. Cuz it ain't somethin't needs ignorin'.
And I'm worried 'bout Belize. She ain't been the same since she came back. Always wearin' those sunglasses. Half the time she's cold, like she ain't got no emotions, and the other half, she seems... angry, distant... And then, she's poppin' pills. A lot of 'em. Got a look at the bottle tonight when it fell outta her bag. Ain't aspirin. Chol said she's been havin' bad headaches. But... I dunno, I just get this real bad feelin'. Like somethin's wrong with her. She was actin' funny earlier, askin' 'bout how to get to the Wastes, what with the drones blockin' the pass. She looked... I dunno. I'mna keep an eye on her, though, cuz somethin' ain't right. And it'd kill me if somethin' happened to her.
Feels like everything's spinnin' outta control. Like I'm watchin' this huge storm rollin' in, like I can't do nothin' 'bout it but run 'n' hide when it gets real bad. I don't like that. Makes me feel even more useless. There was a point tonight where I felt like there was no hope, like none of us'd come outta all this alive. But then, I remembered this thing I heard on an old Earth That Was vid....
So, guess all I can do is keep on as I have and just take things as they come. All I wanna do is protect the people I love and the places I call home. And to do that, I gotta have hope that it'll all turn out right. In the mean time, I got some prayin' to do and some skills to hone...
The bots're here. On Blackburne and on Hale's Moon. We knew they was on Blackburne. Gorram drones're blockin' the pass to the Wastes, and there've been some skirmishes with warbots so far. No major attacks. I think us findin' 'em was a fluke. Me and x0x0 ran into 'em that night when I brought her outta the Wastes and they attacked and couldn't kill us. They don't know how much we know. I suspect if they did know, they'd be changin' up their strategy and we'd prol'ly all be dead.
I was madder'n a cut snake earlier on accounta findin' out Ben'd kissed Lily 'n' told her he loved her. Ironically, heard about it just after I'd glanced outside and saw him panderin' 'round with that new dancer from Blackburne he's been messin' with. Wanted to kill him. Or 'tleast maim him good and proper. But Lily said no, there was nothin' 'tween 'em and I shouldn't be mad. So I left Fook Yoo's 'n' stormed out into the badlands to find somethin' to shoot at.
Found a drone. I'd heard rumors they'd been sighted on Hale's Moon, but hadn't seen any sign of any. Took it down without much trouble. Ain't so fearsome when they're on their own. But then, it was like the sky disappeared, there were more of 'em'n I could count. All I could do was run like hell, shootin' as fast as I could, reloadin' as fast as I could. And I prayed. Cuz if I died out there, who'd know? Who'd find my body, 'sides gorram Reavers? Who'd tell folks 'bout what I saw?
Ain't rightly sure how I got out alive, but I did. I ran back in town as fast as my legs'd carry me and told the first people I saw. Then I headed for Blackburne to spread the word. I reckon Td saw how scared I was, cuz he headed out to the pass to draw some o' the gorram things out, to thin out the population. Good group went with. Cholgosh, Alison, Belize, and later, General, Jango and Zade showed up to help. We took down more'n I could count, but they was only comin' out a few at a time. Like they was teasin' us or somethin'.
I pray to God Sabrina figures out some way to wipe 'em all out. Or anyone, really. Cuz the longer we wait, the more there'll be. And I'm already terrified. I don't wanna see the folks I care so much 'bout slaughtered by some gorram machines. I don't wanna see alla humanity wiped out cuz the gorram 'lliance needs to have its gorram tight grip on everything't goes on in the 'verse and're willin' to do anything, go to any lengths, to see it done.
Then there's what Pod brought to light t'other day. The fleet of old 'lliance ships massin'. Dunno if it's got anything to do with the bots, but either way, it spells more trouble for everyone. I sent a wave to the Brotherhood lettin' 'em know 'bout it, sent 'em the picture Pod showed me. Maybe they'll be able to figure out what's goin' on with that. Cuz it ain't somethin't needs ignorin'.
And I'm worried 'bout Belize. She ain't been the same since she came back. Always wearin' those sunglasses. Half the time she's cold, like she ain't got no emotions, and the other half, she seems... angry, distant... And then, she's poppin' pills. A lot of 'em. Got a look at the bottle tonight when it fell outta her bag. Ain't aspirin. Chol said she's been havin' bad headaches. But... I dunno, I just get this real bad feelin'. Like somethin's wrong with her. She was actin' funny earlier, askin' 'bout how to get to the Wastes, what with the drones blockin' the pass. She looked... I dunno. I'mna keep an eye on her, though, cuz somethin' ain't right. And it'd kill me if somethin' happened to her.
Feels like everything's spinnin' outta control. Like I'm watchin' this huge storm rollin' in, like I can't do nothin' 'bout it but run 'n' hide when it gets real bad. I don't like that. Makes me feel even more useless. There was a point tonight where I felt like there was no hope, like none of us'd come outta all this alive. But then, I remembered this thing I heard on an old Earth That Was vid....
"All of life can be broken down into moments of transition and moments of revelation. This had the feeling of both...There is a darkness greater than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities: it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting in moments of transition to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain."
So, guess all I can do is keep on as I have and just take things as they come. All I wanna do is protect the people I love and the places I call home. And to do that, I gotta have hope that it'll all turn out right. In the mean time, I got some prayin' to do and some skills to hone...
9.2.09
Gone Soft
Reckon it's time I stopped swoonin' over girly stuff like romance and dresses and emotions and got my head back where it needs to be - on the situation at hand. Lotta serious stuff goin' down out on the rim lately, and here's me, moonin' like some lovesick cow. What the hell's got into me lately? Guessin' posin' as a Companion's started rubbin' off on me more'n I'd like to admit.
T'other day, I was on Hale's Moon. Ain't seen much of Seana and Sabrina, and Td's been over there workin' on some stuff for the town. Ain't rightly sure how it happened, everything sorta blew up as I got there, but Duncan Cooperstone, the captain of the local crew of the Raivenn, had got shot by a bounty hunter, and also one of his crew, little boy named Jin that he looks after. Seems there was an alert on the cortex with a price on his head from when he went to rescue Ben, Pod and Lily a bit back. She wanted to draw Mr. Duncan out of hidin' so she shot the kid in the arm, then ran across Mr. Duncan before Jin had even found him, shot him, but didn't kill or disable him. Pod had managed to wing her on her way offworld and crippled her ship, groundin' her on our little moon.
A wise man once said, "In order to flush a snake from the grass, one must beat the grass." So, I decided to stomp the shit outta the grass and went scoutin' to flush her ass outta hidin'. It didn't work out quite as well as I'd hoped, the bitch managed to get the drop on me, puttin' a round in my back 'fore I even saw her. But it did have the desired effect of drawin' her out, and Mr. Duncan was able to gun her down.
It pissed me off somethin' fierce, though, that she got the drop on me. That never woulda happened before. I used to be a badass. Somewhere in all the stuff't's happened recently, I lost that edge I'd honed so painstakinly for eleven years. I almost fell apart at Lily's trial, I got snuck up on by a gorram bounty hunter, and I let myself get all ripped to shreds by Reavers earlier today. Been happenin' before then, too, with the bots and the gorram Loyalists, me takin' hits I wouldn'ta taken six months ago.
That ain't me, and I don't like that I'm turnin' soft and sloppy. Maybe it's time I startin' hittin' Td's new dojo and gettin' back to sparrin' and takin' on some jobs as they come up to get my edge back and keep it. Cuz for me, ain't nothin' worse than bein' useless. An' right now, I feel useless.
T'other day, I was on Hale's Moon. Ain't seen much of Seana and Sabrina, and Td's been over there workin' on some stuff for the town. Ain't rightly sure how it happened, everything sorta blew up as I got there, but Duncan Cooperstone, the captain of the local crew of the Raivenn, had got shot by a bounty hunter, and also one of his crew, little boy named Jin that he looks after. Seems there was an alert on the cortex with a price on his head from when he went to rescue Ben, Pod and Lily a bit back. She wanted to draw Mr. Duncan out of hidin' so she shot the kid in the arm, then ran across Mr. Duncan before Jin had even found him, shot him, but didn't kill or disable him. Pod had managed to wing her on her way offworld and crippled her ship, groundin' her on our little moon.
A wise man once said, "In order to flush a snake from the grass, one must beat the grass." So, I decided to stomp the shit outta the grass and went scoutin' to flush her ass outta hidin'. It didn't work out quite as well as I'd hoped, the bitch managed to get the drop on me, puttin' a round in my back 'fore I even saw her. But it did have the desired effect of drawin' her out, and Mr. Duncan was able to gun her down.
It pissed me off somethin' fierce, though, that she got the drop on me. That never woulda happened before. I used to be a badass. Somewhere in all the stuff't's happened recently, I lost that edge I'd honed so painstakinly for eleven years. I almost fell apart at Lily's trial, I got snuck up on by a gorram bounty hunter, and I let myself get all ripped to shreds by Reavers earlier today. Been happenin' before then, too, with the bots and the gorram Loyalists, me takin' hits I wouldn'ta taken six months ago.
That ain't me, and I don't like that I'm turnin' soft and sloppy. Maybe it's time I startin' hittin' Td's new dojo and gettin' back to sparrin' and takin' on some jobs as they come up to get my edge back and keep it. Cuz for me, ain't nothin' worse than bein' useless. An' right now, I feel useless.
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